Things Carlton Lassiter would rather do.

• Shower with a Bear
• Learn to play the Harp
• French-kiss a hobo
• Spend the rest of his life at Lillith Fair
• Fall in love with a Vegan
• Adopt a Child

• Stick his tongue to a frozen pole
• Donate to the Christian Children's Fund
• Listen to Sarah MacLachlan
• Swim in a piranha infested pool